I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
