Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
