is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
