I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
