Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
