nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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