i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
