I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
