yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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