Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i just google imaged poop.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
