If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
the day after is always just damage control
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
