I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Randomize
