Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
