Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
