i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
