i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
