how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I touched a dick in church today
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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