who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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