it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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