Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
she told me i tasted like america
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
