We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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