Need sex. Gaining weight.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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