I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
