well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
