U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
