Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
