not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
