Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
