No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
