That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
