I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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