The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
