..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize