How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
