You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
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