Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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