nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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