so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I don't think brook has ever known best
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
