what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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