I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
