So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
