Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
