someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
