just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
