She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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