I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Randomize
