If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
