I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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