yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
