come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
