I met the friendliest cop last night
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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