i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
