if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
