I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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