Its about making memories worth repressing
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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