i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
