Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
