Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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