insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
