Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize