I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
