The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
