I wish I only lived at night.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize