Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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