Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
