I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
