I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
