You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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