hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize