I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We talked him into tasing himself.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
