u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
