Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
