Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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