The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
