Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize