ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
