My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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