best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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