So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
