I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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