I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
