Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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