I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
