That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
