We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
