hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
