When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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