The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
We had sex on a dog bed..
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
