just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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