Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize