Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
